Funny Business Quotes

(If you have a funny business quote to add, drop a comment below & I’ll add it in.)

“We don’t have a monopoly. We have market share. There’s a difference.”
-Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO

“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.”
-Robin Williams

“Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.”
-Scott Adams

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”
-Unknown

“The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.”
-Unknown

“Don’t tell my mother I work in an advertising agency. She thinks I play piano in a whorehouse.”
-Jacques Sequela

“Those proud of keeping an orderly desk never know the thrill of finding something that they thought irretrievably lost.”
-Helen Exley

“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.”
-Ted Turner

“The best advice I was ever given was on my twenty-first birthday when my father said, ‘Son, here’s a million dollars. Don’t lose it.’”
-Larry Niven

“In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock.”
-Orson Welles.

“Nothing is as irritating as the chap who chats pleasantly to you while he’s overcharging you.”
-Kin Hubbard

“Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’, they already know we don’t have any money?”
-Unknown

“It’s a thankless job but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.”
-Unknown

“A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.”
-William Feather

“I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.”
-Unknown

“I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.”
-Unknown

“If you can build a business up big enough, it’s respectable.”
-Will Rogers

“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.”
-Unknown

“Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.”
-Groucho Marx

“I work hard because millions on welfare depend upon me.”
-Unknown

“I’ve never known an auctioneer to lie unless it was absolutely necessary.”
-Josh Billings

“Of course I don’t look busy…I did it right the first time!”
-Unknown

Sign in a store window: “We buy old furniture – We sell antiques”
-Unknown

“It’s lonely at the top. But the view sure is great.”
-Unknown

“The three most frequently told lies in the world: The check is in the mail… I’ll still respect you afterward… I’m from the IRS and I’m here to help you.”
-Unknown

“MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL—send $8.95 for more info.”
-Unknown

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